"I Don't Even Know Anymore, Man."

Something in my brain has switched.

I can't tell if it is on, or off, or broken, or if it has something to do with pretentious zeitgeist of the ridiculous shallowness of this generation - but whatever has switched in my brain is trying to get out and trying to smash things.

I have sudden desires to listen to the records of my youth:

I can't believe it, the way you look sometimes
Like a trampled flag on a city street, oh yeah
And I don't want it, the things you're offering me
Symbolized bar code, quick ID, oh yeah

[Chorus:]
See I'm a 21st century digital boy
I don't know how to read but I've got a lot of toys
My daddy's a lazy middle class intellectual
My mommy's on Valium, so ineffectual
Ain't life a mystery?

I can't explain it, the things you're saying to me
It's going yayayayayayaya, oh yeah

[Chorus]

Tried to tell you about no control
But now I really don't know
And then you told me how bad you had to suffer
Is that really all you have to offer?

[Chorus]

[outro]
Cat's foot, iron claw
Neurosurgeon, scream for more
Innocence raped with napalm fire
Everything I want, I really need.

[fade out]
21st century schizoid boy
21st century video boy
21st century digital boy...

But when I searched the lyrics for this song an obnoxious voice rang out telling me I'd instantly "won" this song in ringtone form for my cell phone - seriously???? WTF??? No, wait.... SERIOUSLY??????

I feel sick in my bones when I try and talk about empathy with the people I work with: it is an absolute foreign concept to them.

I feel like nothing is as bad as the news says it is, and nothing is as good as Harper's damn pandas say it is. I hate that everyone has lost their fight and everyone is so used to taking the abuse that they (over) pay for the pleasure of being abused.

I hate that I've worked so damn hard to be where I am: and I hate where I am... literally the WHERE I am is killing me.

I just want to get out, go for a walk, be at peace, be alone, be with people (I like), and grow as a human being - I feel like none of those things are going to happen right now and that is frustrating. So frustrating, in fact, that I am itching to give up everything that I've worked for and start over. Starting over seems so much more reasonable to me right now that standing in the mosquito filled cesspool that I'm currently standing in.

My biggest fear is that it isn't any better anywhere else.

My whole life I felt that if I worked hard enough, I could achieve anything, and compared to the previous forecasts in my life this has been true - until now. I'm pretty close to throwing Calvinism out the friggin door. I work and I'm not stupid with my money, or my time, yet it seems that they whole damn world is flying somewhere warm without lifting a friggin' finger and I'm the Frank Grimes of the world... or at best, the Gil.

I don't get it.

... and that's what has switched in my brain...

Based on these ramblings I'm guessing the switch is broken.

 - and this be my leap year rant - 

Bathtime

My Babies

They are almost always dirty.

They never match.

The boys choose their own clothes.

Their hair is always unruly.

The messes they create are otherworldly.

They cry and whine an awful lot.

They are overwhelmingly expensive.

Their smiles fill my world with an indescribable joy.

Standing Girl

Week's End

This has been a really hard week.

Work was hard.

P's work was hard.

Everyone is whinier than I can tolerate.

So.much.drama.

I need wine - stat.

I need chocolate ice cream - double stat.

I need a new job - triple stat.

Happy Family Day

Building a Wardrobe - Part Three

Last night I broke down and went to Al's (the local discount Shoe store) and picked up some new work shoes. I was thinking I was going to have to drop $200 some bucks to get what I wanted, but I shouldn't have doubted Al.

For $50 after taxes I came home with some leather boots, perfect for work - and very much "my style."

They can also fold down for a fluffy look.

(Please ignore the mess in the background - G's Spiderman and his pile of art, but now that I've mentioned it, no one can miss it)

In other news, Pukefest 2012 has descended on the Wilson house.

If we thought it was bad when the baby was sick last week - we were wrong!

All three are sick now.

Building a Wardrobe - Part Two (Shoes)

This will be a shorter post than my last wardrobe post.

Pregnancy makes your feet grow.

None of my work shoes fit me anymore.

I have one pair of work heels that fit, but ice and shoe + heels = bad idea

My cowboy boots still fit, but see above equation

I've been rocking my super comfy, but not quite work appropriate winter boots lately.

*sigh*

Quote of the Day times Two

1) "What are the benefits of computer technology? Well, this assignment would sure suck without it."

2) Marriage isn't 50/50. It is 10/90; and both people have to give 90.

Staycation - is there any other?

I have never been overseas. I didn't fly on a plane until I was married. Most of my travels were by car and included either a theme park or a historical site (or one year, both). Even our honeymoon was in southwestern Ontario. Therefore, I rock the staycation.

When I was a kid we would road trip somewhere in the States or Canada. I've never been anywhere particularly glamourous - although at the time I felt Old Montreal was VERY glamourous and, at the time, my Mom joked that I seemed to fit right in (except for the whole language thing). I've seen more forts than I ever care to recall, but I have good memories of roller coasters and adventures.

After getting married, we never had the money to go anywhere and the only times that I've been on a plane were to travel to an Albertan wedding and to go to a job interview that I ended up turning down. I am not one to go on a vacation on a credit card, and therefore we've always made the best with what our little province has to offer.

Taking little kids anywhere elaborate seems stressful and wasteful, because they won't really remember anything, and would likely be much happier close to home. Last year we went to the Warplane Heritage Museum, Niagara Falls, and Great Wolf Lodge for our first family staycation and D still talks about how much he loved it. We also travelled to St. Thomas with Auntie B and rode Thomas the Tank Engine... which both boys still fondly remember.

This year I tossed around dropping the kids off at a grandparent's home and going somewhere special for our tenth anniversary - but the plans never really started and the finances never really materialized. There is still time, but I'd rather plan early (so that I'd have something to look forward to) and it never happened.

A couple of years ago I thought about taking the boys to Montreal via the train in Autumn, because one of my best vacation memories was in Montreal, but it never materialized for a load of crappy personal reasons.

This year I think we are going to rock the staycation again. We already went to see the Monster trucks (albeit this was an unplanned adventure). Last night I took advantage of the early bird prices to Toronto's Comic-Con and I am thinking of planning a weekend around that and making it into a nice little vacation.

There is so much to do around here, if you are looking for it, and since the kids are still very young - these little mini-vacations are really special to them and we don't really need an elaborate trip (although going away with P is still very tempting).

Quote of the Day

Boy: I don't know any adjectives for cats. I hate cats.
Me: Do you watch Big Bang Theory?
Boy: OH! (frantically writing) Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur... happy kitty sleepy kitty... purr purr purr...

Building a Wardrobe - Part One (Background)

I started my career in 2003.

I didn't get a contract position until the Spring of 2005.

In the Fall of 2006, I got pregnant with D.

I ended up going back to work in the Fall of 2008.

I got pregnant with G in the Fall of 2008.

I went back to work in the Spring of 2010.

I got pregnant with L in the Spring of 2010.

I'm back to work in the Winter of 2012.

Why this insane summary?

Well, let's look at it from a clothing perspective:

I was a poor just married and just out of University lady when I started my career. I also flip flopped in my weight quite a bit as I adjusted to a hard and fast adulthood. The result is that the clothes I wore from 2003 - 2006 are either WAY too big or WAY too small - or INSANELY out of fashion (because, let's face it, I ain't 23 anymore).

I acquired some nice maternity work clothes and went on my way until I went back in 2008. After D I had a lot of trouble losing weight and bought a couple of really cheap outfits from discount stores and built up my wardrobe on odds and ends that still fit, maternity clothes that didn't look too maternity-ish, and the crap that I bought (that was constantly falling apart). But, I got pregnant only two months back to work and was back in my snazzy maternity wardrobe again before I knew it.

When I came back after G was born, in 2010, I specifically went out and bought a couple of quality tweedy pants from a local boutique and some blouses from the mall. In my mind I was done with the maternity clothes and gave them away to a friend. I started to build up my work wardrobe slowly. I didn't get very far when I discovered that I was pregnant with L (only a few months after getting back into the work mindset). I sheepishly asked for my maternity clothes back - and got another whole pregnancy of wear out of them.

They are gone now, by the way, back to the person that I had given them to in the first place


Now it is 2012 and I spend a lot of time in the morning trying to figure out what the hell I'm going to wear to work. I have the few things that I picked up after G that fit (yay), but I think it is time to buy a "big girl" wardrobe...

Goodbye Modrobes.
Goodbye holey long sleeved t-shirts
Goodbye endless supply of tank tops

One thing that I'm not saying goodbye to (which has been a staple throughout the years) are my sweaters. I'd layer them over anything (including mat clothes) and I've become "known for those big sweaters I always wear."

But sweaters don't make a wardrobe (although I do have a lot of very nice wool sweaters), and I have decided that it is time to grow up and start investing in a work wardrobe.

The suggestion has been (by both friends, family, and Stacy and Clinton) is to invest in a few key pieces and then build a wardrobe from there...

...so here I go into the world of clothes shopping (WHICH I HATE), and it is more than time to start my very own "big girl wardrobe."

If anyone who reads this has any ideas for quality clothing makers, please relay them to me somehow.
I would like to focus on quality made, Canadian/American made, fair trade clothing - as I'm not overly interested in perpetuating my Old Navy habit of buying crap made by people living in poverty.

I also don't want to just buy stuff because I think I need it... I want to invest in things I love...

... and while I love watching Stacy and Clinton, I'm not interested in looking chic, I want to look like me.

I love hippie-dippie skirts and peasant blouses. I love clothes with personality and beauty. I want my clothes to reflect who I am and make me happy. I used to have a kilt in my family tartan that I loved (but it is WAY too small now) and I might like to invest in another one of those. I love wool, and leather, and  cotton, and bamboo; natural fabrics. I also have a sincere adoration of tweed (there is a rumour going around work that I'm actually a seventy year old man in a 30 year old woman's body - because of my love of Scotch, wool sweaters, and tweed).

So this is a new journey that I'm not looking forward to because, again, I HATE SHOPPING, but I think it is time to get over it and just do it!

Tattoos and Toilet Training

When D was potty training, we bribed him with candy every time he successfully used the potty. It was fairly successful, although he was three before being completely Pull-Up free.

Candy didn't work for G; nothing did. He would FIGHT us if we tried to even talk to him about potty training, and at this rate I'll be happy if he is toilet trained by the time he goes to school. But, lately I've noticed one bribe that has started working - tattoos! Every time he successfully uses the potty he gets a tattoo. He used to get them on his belly, but right now he's working on his arm. He's had more successes this past week than the entire potty training period put together.

P keeps joking that he's going to come home with full sleeves when he's a teenager... but I can't judge him for that  ;)

Back to Work

Well, I'm gainfully employed again. I have sincerely mixed feelings about that.

I don't like blogging about work because it is really unprofessional, so my highlights are as non-descript as possible, although I do love sharing funny work quotes (either in or out of context).

Highlights:

- The 1999 Civic (that we've had since 2002) rolled over to 300 000 km on my way into work.

- Someone at work bought a giant Bonhomme D'Neige cutout and I turned a corner and came face to face with it and literally screamed out loud.

- I got told to "eff" off on the first day (always a plus)

- Quote of the Day, "I'm going to be honest with you, you kinda freak me out."

Teeny Tiny Pigtails

Bonnet Lass

-isms

On this Back-to-Work Eve, I thought I'd quickly reflect on some things my kids do to drive me crazy make me laugh:

D-isms

1. D can read... well some words, but he sight recognizes a lot of common words (more than I'd expect), and he can figure out new words by comparing the context (picture or situation) and the sounds in the letters of the words. We read together A LOT and I'm really proud of him.

2. D is going through a whiney/crying phase. I hope he gets through it quickly, because he is now breaking down at school, too.

3. At appropriate times D says, "awkward." It is very funny, and also disturbing that he can understand that level of humour. (Thanks Phineas and Ferb)

4. D makes up some really fantastic stories. They almost have a beginning, middle, and end. I have some videos, I'll have to upload one sometime.

5. D refuses to let anyone cut his hair. He has had many opportunities, but absolutely refuses a haircut. I'm not one to judge, so I'll let him grow his hair as long as he like.


G-isms

1. G is finally coming up with words and sounds that are like words. It is both hilarious and useful. It makes (some) things a lot easier.

2. Potty training isn't going too well, but I've found a bribe that almost works - temporary tattoos.

3. G has started to do this weird half laugh-half cry thing instead of just screaming for something. I think he picked it up at school... but it is kind of disturbing.

4. He beats up babies. He has decided that knocking down his sister is something to do and sitting on babies is funny. We're trying to get him to stop, but he just keeps doing it.

5. G does something artistic every day.

L-isms

1. She LOVES Handy Manny.

2. She dances to any and all music - on commercials, theme songs, radio, someone singing; anything.

3. She pulls herself up every once in awhile, but doesn't quite know what to do with herself when she's up there.

4. She has discovered recreational screaming. She thinks it is the bee's knees.

5. L has become phone obsessed. Every time someone is on the phone, she wants up and she tries to shove her head between you and the phone.